I’ve often been called a pussy. It’s usually from the same crowd who use words like “cuck” and “alpha”. Because I don’t scream my feelings out, especially in a way that demeans people, I’ve also been labeled as dishonest or passive-aggressive. Half the country mistook a narcissist with no filter and made him president. They said that particular personality type was “refreshing” and “strong”. People still find personalities like that admirable today, but it’s not me and I’ll never become that.

The reason why I keep a cool head is partly for survival reasons. The fastest way to discover someone’s character is to be kind without giving them a reason to be kind back to you. Civility is a character trait, perhaps even a higher sense of intelligence. I’ve discovered a lot of people, when they don’t have to be civil and kind to the people around them, become entitled and self-centered. It’s a serious red flag, especially in an era of abundant narcissists. What people have misinterpreted my civility for wanting something back, I often help without anything more than to help and also to know their true character. Should I invest in someone who’s a narcissist? I care hard, so I feel like my energy is a limited resource not to be wasted on people who don’t deserve it. I don’t use my kindness to change people; I use it as a homing beacon to find others with a similar philosophy.

My other reason is because civility and positivity is how I feel the world should be. There’s no need to needlessly ruin someone else’s day. One can be honest while also be cordial. If there’s going to be criticism, say it in a big sisterly/brotherly way and also add suggestions. The world needs less Gordan Ramseys and more Barack Obamas. I have a very Obama-like personality; I choose words carefully because I’m analytical. I often choose to defuse rather than escalate. I can be a rather shy person. Some have said that’s not the “real” me. No. It’s just not the full me. I don’t owe anyone the full me. It takes years of being my friend to open me up and I don’t apologize for it. I’m getting irritated that people have demanded me to open myself or else I’m “dishonest”. I’ll open up to whomever I choose.

The civility and niceness is the real me and as I get older, I’m more comfortable feeling like it’s the right way for me to approach life. Of course, I do have a real nasty kickass side. There may still be a Clint Eastwood/Unforgiven moment where I’ll unleash holy hell, but I usually save that for loved ones who need defending rather than for it to be a personal loss-of-pride thing. I’ve been disrespected and spat on, made the idiots who laughed at my civility feel they’ve won. Less and less these moments hurt because I realize it says more about them than it does about me.

Truth is, if someone is only nice to people because of status or fear, then that person has their priorities fucked up. It shows they lack empathy, and empathy is a very strong attribute to life success. While these people call me a loser, I know deep in my heart that they are failures and will continue being failures because they’re unable to see other angles. I won’t tell them that though; why point out to someone whose head is so far up their ass that what they see isn’t the light but their own glowing bullshit?

Be kind, empathetic and positive to others, especially when the world frowns upon it, because even though most won’t recognize it, that, right there, is strength and beauty.